1) Microsoft

The Good:

Xbox 360; powerful, apparently easy to program for, wireless controllers, and the beautiful Gears of War, Microsoft seem to have a winner on their hands.

The Bad:

Backwards compatibility.....Erm, either it is, or it isn’t folks. And from all indications Microsoft aren’t guaranteeing that their Xbox software emulation will work with all Xbox games – only the ‘top’ titles (so no Tao Feng: Fist of the Lotus for Xbox 360).

Also, no Blu-Ray or HD-DVD support.

The Ugly:

J.Allard

Who the fuck is this guy and can someone please inform him that he is not a sex symbol. This cross between Moby, Calliou and Mango stated that with the Xbox 360 Microsoft will reach out to 1 billion (ONE BILLION) gamers. Er….what the fuck are you smoking, and, more importantly, where can I get some?

2) Sony

The Good:

They made me laugh with their conniving (and very successful) theft of Microsoft’s thunder. Their Killzone demo at E3 was one of the biggest bitch-moves I’ve seen in a while. They should have just popped in a DVD of Saving Private Ryan and then got Ken Kurtagi to stand up there and tell everyone it was all real-time PS3 graphics. Hell, put a controller in his hand; “Look, I’m controlling Tom Hanks! This is all real time graphics with the PS3’s cell technology! Look at it! I’m even controlling the dialogue! All in REAL TIME. REEAAAL TIME, motherfuckers!!!!”

The Bad:

No hard drive? Are you fucking joking? What planet are these morons living on? At least the PS3 will support Blu-Ray which will mean bigger games but what about load times? What about not having to deal with stupid fucking memory cards?

The Ugly:

What the fuck is this?

3) Nintendo

The Good:

Zelda for the Game Cube looked fantastic and the Gameboy Micro looked pretty neat.

The Bad:

Just like Ken Kurtagi should have just showed a DVD of Saving Private Ryan and said it was PS3 footage, Nintendo should have just held up a box of cookies and said it was the ‘Revolution’. No tech specs, no game lineup announced, no game footage (not even fake footage like Sony!), nothing. They haven’t even finalized a model for their controller! They are, however, promising a 'revolutionary' controller design which Dave Halverson will no doubt use as a dildo.

The Ugly:

Reggie Fils Aime.

‘Kicking ass and taking names’? Give me a fucking break, if Nintendo wanted a tough talking black guy they should have just gone to the original prototype, that’s right, Mr. T.

4) EA Sports

The Good:

They didn’t announce another exclusive license. Fuckers.

The Bad:

Erm…what’s with the lack of gameplay footage or even details? I think this was the first E3 they didn’t have Fifa playable, they didn’t even have in-game (that’s playable Ken, turn off ESPN, we know it’s cable TV) footage of next-gen Madden.

The Ugly:

While there wasn’t much footage of the next gen Fifa at all, it was comforting that EA Sports decided to show a number of crunching, brutal tackles to represent the beautiful game.

5) Sports Gaming’s presence at E3 in general

The Good:

There was no sign of Lee Bowyer’s Fifa Street 2: Takedown.

The Bad:

Where were all the sports games? Konami didn’t show any footage of the next Winning Eleven but that’s understandable since their marketing department is run by two chimpanzees and a llama. But what about the other games and other developers? Burnout Revenge and PGR3 looked great but apart from those two (and maybe Super Mario Strikers…I’m being serious!) nothing else stood out. Midway and Sony’s football titles (sans NFL licenses, of course) looked bland – Sony’s game has promise on paper but it’s Sony who are making it which means the chances of The Road to Sunday being shit are quite high.

The Ugly:

Oakland Raider’s tackle Robert Gallery showing up to Microsoft’s keynote presentation was more than a bit lame. If only he could have tackled J.Allard…..